In the distance lines of trees are budding flowers in the early morning light. Toes of shoes dampen with morning dew on luscious green grass as the light wind whips across skin, across faces, through hair. She closes her eyes, she walks without looking, remembering the way it feels to be free and independent of sight. She feels herself wave in the breeze, her jacket curling around her stomach, her chest, her neck. Strands of hair escape her ponytail, finding their way across her lightly makeup-ed face. They lay there flying subtlely in the wind, tangling slightly as she imagines walking into the sunrise. She opens her eyes, and upon seeing the orange and pink hues, wishes there was a way to find herself deep in its colors, being wrapped in their warmth.
And she remembers what it was like to feel the warmth around her – day and night. To feel his arms around her, hugging her into him, feeling the love radiating from his body without interruption and without hesitation. She can taste the post-shower smell that wound its way into his skin, she can see the wetness of his hair he laid back down on the bed next to her, soaking the pillow on her right. And she can recall how it felt to feel him fall deep back into sleep with labored breathing and tiny snores. In those mornings, those mornings where time stood still even though they were both late to work or late to school, they found themselves half-sleeping as they lay there – with no noises, no talking, nothing but them and silence.
It was in those times that everything felt right, everything felt certain, everything felt okay. But suddenly and without warning those moments were ripped away from her when she got the phone call of the accident. She couldn’t believe her ears. As time stood still for another moment, this time it wasn’t a good thing to remember but just the chill that ran down her spine as the phone dropped to the ground followed by her knees hitting the pavement underneath her. Her love felt boundless, weightless, without limits. Yet in an instant it was torn away – she could now love him but he couldn’t love her back – he wasn’t even here anymore.
So in the mornings where the sun was still rising, she found herself walking the streets they used to walk together. She kept missing him, hoping he was up there missing her. Desperately, she tried to move on. But as the days went on and the nights got longer, she found herself deeper and deeper in love with a man who no longer was here on Earth.
In one swift movement, she closed her eyes and imagined. She walked down those streets and tried to remember every second, every minute, every hour, every day that she was with him. Every word he said, every gesture he made, every expression that crossed his face. And she would open her eyes to set off into the day, moving through the hours with ease or pain depending on the date. It all changed, in an instant. In a moment. In a split-second. One phone call, one wrong move, one mistake and everything had changed. She had changed.
In her mind’s eye the sunrise was as beautiful as it ever had been. She found solace in the hope that he was right in those colors, looking at her, whispering that he loved her still.
And that hope still lives on.
—-
[Wrote this all with my eyes closed. I don't know, had to write something and all I could think of was sunrises and the loss of love. This is what came from my fingertips.]
–Kate
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