March 6, 2007
-
Here we are again. It’s been yet another week (actually, more) since I’ve written in this thing. I have been to busy/preoccupied to actually sit down and write something of any kind of importance. Nothing big or significant has really happened, except for an ex-love interest popping into my life once again. Wonderful, right? He says he wants to come visit me in May or June. I’m not really holding my breath. (And, no, this is not Anthony – thank goodness!) Beyond that, nothing has really happened. I went to the Nickelback concert on Friday, hung out at my parent’s house on Saturday, and worked on Sunday.
Currently I feel that with every two steps I take forward, I take one step backward. I’m sick of that little routine. I’ll be honest: I have been a little depressed/pissy/angry this week. Usually it is over the dumbest shit, but some times I just feel like crying. I have calmed myself down with love songs lately, which may be what is really getting at me. I think about all the people who used to be in my life and how they have everything I don’t have. Sure, I’m going to school and achieving my goals. But some people do not deserve to be married, have kids, or be in relationships. I don’t understand how they can be such bad people (liars, cheaters, abusers, etc.) and I am such a good person, yet they have all the things I also crave in my life. It just frustrates me after a while. I know my life is great. I know that I am going somewhere with all the things I have done and am going to do. I just feel as if part of it isn’t coming when I want it to. I know that waiting it out will be the best thing for me. I know it will come at the right time. But it just feels so unfair sometimes. I should grab some cheese with this whine, it seems only fitting.
I just feel like bitching. I guess I feel real frustrated. Utterly frustrated. With my life, with the world, with other people. I feel as if I am working my ass off, but for what? I know I am going to graduate with my BS in ANSC, and end up in Vet School. But what about everything in between and along the way? When will I meet the “one”? How will I know? When will I get married? When will I have kids? How many? Will I be happy? Am I destined to be alone forever?
Bitch, bitch, bitch.
-Kate
Comments (4)
Everyone needs a day to bitch!
Take it one step at a time. Focus on the next step. You are going to meet The One but you are going to meet him when you least expect it. I met my husband when I least expected it, when I was so focused on school and my friends that I wasn’t even worrying about meeting The One. My best friend met her boyfriend of four years when she was least expecting it, least worrying about it. Take it one step at a time. You are a wonderful person and are not destined to be alone forever.
you’re not the only one. i was just remarking yesterday on how it feels like i’m just rolling a boulder up a hill, only to have to do it over and over again.
hang in there.
You are not destined to be alone. This is your time to find yourself and be the person you are meant to be. This is a time to find yourself. I know it seems like you will never find it, but you will…you have to give it time. Trust me, I know.
Lots of love,
M
If it makes you feel better Kate, I met “The One” ten years ago, but I didn’t know it. I continued to date Ken. So why did I have to wait ten years to realize it? I don’t know. And I don’t think that anyone really knows what or why until later (which sometimes tends to be unfortunate). That’s the way the world is supposed to work I think. Now, Nicholas would disagree and say that everything does NOT happen for a reason, but I really think it does. It makes things more… I don’t know… interesting, I guess. But it will all come to you, I know it will. And just think, the reason you do NOT have it yet is because it’s not RIGHT for you now.
The others (aka” the bad people you talk about) are going to struggle with everything in their lives. Love, family, friends, etc. So I wouldn’t be so envious of that, ok? Not when you will have everything you wanted, and more, soon enough.