January 30, 2007
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Been a long time since I laid with you in bed. Conversations full of words you never said. I got your message. I gave into the loneliness, but I didn’t give up anything else. Which direction on this highway do I ride?Cold winter days complete with snow and crisp winds fell upon the region in which I live at the beginning of this week. It would be wrong of me not to see this as a good thing. I normally don’t like snow and all that brings (ice, slush, having a really cold car) – but for some reason, I’m absolutely embracing it. Sure, my toes and fingers are not liking it but there is something peaceful about it. Granted, I don’t have a huge field of white to look at but the small patch of grass between my building and the pavement that is filling up with snow is just good enough. This month has been pretty hard. It has a lot of memories built up with it when it comes to the days. But this year has been a lot different. There have been some bad days, some good days, some just okay days. Today is a good day. I feel pretty happy with my life.I cannot believe that a year ago I thought I had met my future husband. It blows my mind. Things have changed so much, so very much. I was in love – desperately so, hanging onto every morsel I could get. But today – right now – I am so much stronger than I have ever been in my life. I know that I am the only one I can rely on for my happiness (not saying that I don’t remember the past and tears well up, because that happens from time to time). But, everything is so different. It’s amazing how much things, and I, have changed over the past year. I have already gotten through one month of this year – and my, has it flown by.
Yeah, it’s pretty obvious that I miss being in a relationship. I’ve tried my hand in a few at the beginning and end of last year but nothing was right. I just need to focus on myself right now. I’ve been exercising, watching what I eat, make sure I get involved. I’m working two jobs now, going to school, trying to get at least 8 hours of sleep a night (although sometimes it is close to 6 hours). I’m okay not having a significant other. Although, I’m sure I will think differently when Valentine’s Day rolls around in a couple of weeks – but eh, I’ve never had someone on that day so nothing is different. I have school and work that day – I’m sure it won’t even cross my mind (yes, I am lieing to myself about that so shush!).
I just keep thinking about how much my life has changed – and how drastically, too. It is just amazing to me.
Night, y’all.
-Kate
