January 29, 2007
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It is the end of the first day of the week and I am already completely exhausted. There is something absolutely wrong with that statement in and of itself. It’s just not okay to be so tired after only one full day of waking up at 6 am, going to class, going to an interview, going to work, going to class, and coming home to my apartment that really needs to be picked up. I did no homework tonight, I did not call my mother back, I did not wash the dishes or do any laundry. So what did I do? I laid on the futon with Sasha and watched some shows on ABC to try to stave off the droopy eyelids so I could make it until 11 pm. I didn’t even exercise today. Horrible. And to end this wonderful paragraph with a bit more whining: I think my alarm clock “buzzer” setting is broken (that is what happens when I keep the same one for 10 years!), this whole 22 degree weather sucks (especially at 7:30 am when it’s still dark out), and I really need groceries but do not want to venture out into the snowy weather for such a thing that really is not that necessary.
The reason I have pretty much not written here starting at the beginning of the year is because there is just so much going on. I guess that would mean I would have more to write about – but really, a lot of it is pretty personal.
There are some days where I’m not really sure where my life is headed. Yes, I know I am going to go to vet school. Yes, I know what I want to study. Yes, I am trying to lose weight and get into shape. But so many days I feel so very much alone. I know I have put myself there but it’s just so incredibly hard some days. I feel as if I have been discussing relationships with people a lot lately. Last week I was so close, miniscule close, to messaging Anthony. Dumb, huh? I didn’t do it because I knew that if I did – things would only get worse. A huge part of me misses what I had with him but I know that no matter what him and I are completely over – we don’t even talk anymore! But I know that if I ever messaged him again, he would talk to me. And that’s the scary part. I’m tired of comparing other guys I like to him. I can’t help it even though I try not to do it. It’s so very frustrating! I wish I understood my thinking behind it but it’s second nature. I so hate it.
Sasha is grating my nerves – I better go before I really go off my rocker.
-Kate
Comments (1)
it is totally okay to be exhausted after all that. this is the season of diminished output — i mean, look at nature — everything’s dead or slumbering outside!
take it easy on yourself and pretty soon things will get better. you’ll see.