November 15, 2006

• “Catch me,” it said over its shoulder. “Work for me. You think you don’t need me, but you do.”
  The years fly by and we wander the streets – early in the morning, late
  in the night, between crowds of faceless people, or just on a road as
  bare as the desert. We dream about it; we think about it; we write
  about it. We scream its name with the hope it is listening, with a
  prayer it will just float to us. Our days begin at six a.m., followed
  by the hot steaming morning cup of coffee, the long commute to work on
  a bus packed with dozens of other people who follow the exact same
  routine. As the sun makes it way high into the sky, we sit in the desk
  at the job longing to be out of there. Then it’s back on the bus at
  five p.m., only to come home to a microwaved dinner and crappy
  primetime television. We read a book and we see it in there. We wonder
  how those people got so lucky. As the darkness settles around us, we
  pull the covers up around us with the lump in our throat. We make
  ourselves hold back the tears as months of being alone turn into years.
  The weekend rolls around, and we see what we really don’t want to.
  Couples holding hands, couples kissing, couples being couples. We are
  reminded that we don’t have that. It gets to us, but we pretend it
  doesn’t. The night is young. Maybe something will happen. We keep
  hoping we’ll find the “one”. Sometimes we end up with a meaningless one
  night stand where we can’t remember the face of the other person
  because we are blinded behind the fucking. It all comes to end, though.
  Those years of being alone are replaced by days, months, years, decades
  of what we have been searching for. It’s hard, and it hurts. We have to
  work harder at it than we have ever worked at anything. Sometimes we
  want to give up, but then we remember those nights in bed with that
  faceless person. We can’t go back there, we must not. So we find a way
  to push through, to make it last. We hold onto the easy times to
  remember when hard times come. It’s not all sweet with rounded corners.
  There are some sharp edges moving about. Pasts collide as futures mesh.
  And we see ourselves catching it. Holding it in the palm of our hand
  never felt better.

  —-
  Update:
  - Finished gods in Alabama. It was fabulous. I finished it in less than 24 hours. I just couldn’t put it down.
  - Either I’m having time issues or the bus schedule is because I barely
  (and I mean, barely) make it to the bus stop on time to flag down the
  bus.
  - Applied to 5 jobs tonight. Got an email back on one but it doesn’t start until January. Still looking forward to something.
  - It’s waaaay too cold.
  - My mom got my sisters and I tickets to the Nickelback/Breaking
  Benjamin/Three Days Grace concert for March 2. It was supposed to be a
  Christmas present (I didn’t even know about the concert until my sister
  mentioned it) but my littlest sister was bratting around and my mom had
  to crack. Sooo excited!
  - Sasha is such a big girl now, with a roly poly tummy.
  - It’s exciting to open your mail box after a shitty Chem lab to find two movies in it and no bills!
  - Can I sleep through winter and wake up to straight A’s, a job, and a lot of money?
  - Made some Peanut Butter blossoms. Mmmm, good.
  - “Show Me The Money”? How about… lame. (Just happened to catch it on tv.)
  - Five more days of class until Thanksgiving Break! Yeah, bitches!!

  Kate
  
  
  

  • 12:32 am
  • 5 Comments