November 8, 2006

• Distance is not for the fearful. It’s for the bold.

  
  “I am on the edge. I want to dive deep into that dark abyss, and let it
  swallow me whole. I know you are here, somewhere. Come closer – don’t
  be scared. I’m here, I’m here, I’m right here. Let’s just wrap
  ourselves in this; this promise – this blanket of warmth and happiness
  - this love. Just give into it, don’t be afraid of it. Understand that
  I care about you. I need you. Don’t leave because it’s too hard. I’ve
  held on too long because I subconsciously wanted this. I know this is
  hard and almost too painful to bear but it’s worth it. We both know
  that even if we don’t admit it. I’m scared too. Scared of hurting you,
  scared of not trusting myself, scared of being vulnerable. It comes
  with the territory. We can’t let it eat us alive.”

  “Don’t fear, darling, I’m here too. Right beside you, holding you up.
  It’s okay that we’re scared. Just lay here with me, listen to those
  sweet nothings in your ear. Promises are meant to be kept. We’ll keep
  ours. I love you in so many ways, but don’t make me be the only one who
  sacrifices. I’m trying here. I want us to be happy. We both need
  support. You’re wonderful. Don’t get caught up in the distance. Let’s
  meet in the middle – where we belong.”

  “But it’s hurting to be so far away. I don’t want that to be a factor anymore. Why can’t this be simple?”

  “Nothing is simple. I wish we could have had our way by now but it’s
  just not in the cards yet. I miss you. Don’t pull away from me any
  longer. Just say put. You’ll be okay. Let what you feel course through
  you. I don’t want to hurt you. I just want us together peacefully,
  however that may be.”

  “Come hold me.”

  “In due time. I  know how much it hurts. Hang in there a little
  longer. We can do it. Don’t cry. It’s okay. It will all be fine. I hate
  when you cry. Sweetheart, okay, okay. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  “Come soon.”

  
  
  “Coming as soon as I can, girl, coming as soon as I can….”

  —-

  Here we are again, in this place. Caught in between the words we can’t
  say. And we’re stuck, helplessly clinging to what we have built up.
  There is so much we feel that can’t be put into words – questions
  without answers, statements without proper descriptors. All because
  there are no words. The silence lingers and in you, I find the answers
  without words. Do you see the same in me?

  —-

  Under the pitch black sky littered with stars, lay with me on a
  patchwork quilt decades old. Plant butterfly kisses across my eyelids
  and run your fingers through my hair. Let me breathe in that rustic
  smell of yours, loan me that sweatshirt of yours I love as the night
  gets colder. I can see myself in your eyes, falling into them, getting
  lost. Let me love you. Embrace the feeling. Capture it whole.

  • 10:56 pm
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