October 14, 2006

• Reading four hundred pages for a test this coming Wednesday is not fun,
  so I am taking a break even though I have approximately three hundred
  left to go. I’m sick of reading about the evolution of humans and all
  the bones they found and all the studies they did and how they
  determine this and that and some other thing. So, here I am, trying to
  procrastinate even more (yeah, even after I pushed off reading these
  pages until this weekend) but give me a break, I need some of my sanity
  back.

  I went to bed last night crying my eyes out for reasons unknown to me.
  Well, really, I kind of know but.. yeah. I want to do something but
  it’s just not the right time and I’m not in the right place but if I
  don’t do it soon, I might lose out but maybe it’s okay to lose out but
  I don’t want to because who knows what I could gain, but at the same
  time it just doesn’t feel right at this moment. Whew. Okay. If that
  didn’t confuse you, then I don’t know what will. Anyways, falling
  asleep was a bit of a battle even though I was dead tired. I restrained
  myself to my bed and didn’t get up to check the computer like I
  desperately wanted to because I didn’t feel like ripping out my heart
  that was barely still alive.

  In other news, I’m trying to avoid Anthony at all costs by not signing
  onto Yahoo and when I do, I do so invisibly. I just can’t take talking
  to him. It’s like talking a child who can’t get it through his head
  that (a) we are not moving in together anytime soon or ever in this
  lifetime, (b) it’s not cool that he had some kind of heart attack (oh,
  sorry, two) because he was on drugs and smoking cigarettes and drinking
  alcohol even after he was advised not to do so, (c) I don’t want to be
  with him because it’s seriously like dealing with someone who is 5
  years old, (d) he’s a complete idiot for being his age, still living
  with his mom, unemployed, and blaming it on his “episodes” when we both
  know he can take his medication and be fine, and (e) sweet talking is
  not the thing to do, because I am not falling for it.

  I sound bitter but seriously, who wants to take back someone who broke
  up with you, then came back four months later because he wants to “try
  again” after ripping your heart out, then disappears again and then
  comes back again and the cycle keeps going? Let alone he can’t even
  take care of himself and thinks that he can move in with you so you can
  work your ass off to provide for him while he spends his entire day
  stinking up the place you pay for with cigarettes and coffee spills and
  laying around watching television? Um, no thanks. But seriously, I’d
  rather be with a man who is the complete opposite.

  (1) Must have job.
  (2) Must take care of self.
  (3) Must do something with their life.

  He has none of those, and it’s just not gonna fly. Buh-bye.

  Also, Sasha is no longer sick and is being much more like a kitten.
  This included bugging the living hell out of me and getting into
  everything under the sun, and eating things that kittens shouldn’t. She
  keeps stealing my little Halloween bear and thinking it’s her toy to
  chew on/scratch on/eat. It’d be cute except my grandma got it for me,
  and it’s kinda a nice thing I’d like to keep. I have been trying to get
  videos of her playing but every time I pull out the camera, she stops
  and is more interested in the camera than anything else. I also want to
  get a picture of her carrying her mouse around with her in her mouth
  but she usually drops it just when I’m going to take the picture. But
  at least she isn’t sick anymore, so that’s good. Of course, she hates
  the amoxicillin but it’s like that cough syrup your mom used to give
  you when you were younger and sick. It’s supposed to have a “good
  taste” but everyone knows it tastes disgusting.

  –Thanks for listening. Life has been crappy.

  • 6:24 pm
  • 2 Comments