March 11, 2006

• It has definitely been a rough few days. Yesterday just royally
  sucked… and I don’t think I cried that much in a such a long time. It
  was a combination of everything, from losing Anthony to the fact that
  my parents are so against me getting dog that I hate even bringing it
  up now to stress over work and how I feel like just because I am the
  “new girl” I get the brunt of bad things to even the fact that sleeping
  has become an issue and I can’t seem to get back on my normal schedule.
  Writing is bascially nonexistent right now, and the more I listen to
  the radio… the more songs come on that I just want to drown myself in
  tears over. Every single time I drive somewhere, the same song comes
  on. It is like clockwork. I could drive for two minutes, and that song
  would be playing. It is taunting me, that Keith Urban. Darn him for
  writing such a sad song that I relate to so well.

  I am tired today. It’s just not a good “me” day. I feel dissatisfied
  with so much. Work on Saturdays is usually good – the hectic schedule
  is good because it keeps me busy.. but I don’t know, things didn’t
  click today and I feel off my game. It was almost like every little
  mistake that I could make, I made. A Dalmatian scratched my hands
  pretty bad because it was so unruly three of us had to force it in the
  cage… and then it kept trying to bite me when I put its collar on.
  Only after I got it on with a little bit of a struggle did the owner
  tell me that he hates people touching his neck. Weird dog, I tell you.
  I was glad to see that one leave. I got in a semi-trouble for taking my
  break and a lady coming to pick up a dog I did… and his nails weren’t
  clipped yet, even though I didn’t call her to come pick him up and I’m
  not really sure what that was about. The Pit Bull mix I bathed was
  scared of the dryer, and I got told I don’t comfort dogs enough.
  Basically, not a good day. I also hit my head pretty hard on a corner
  of a kennel door when I stood off from crouching on the ground, and it
  left a small bump on my forehead… that gave me a dizzy spin for a
  while. My pants smell like they were dragged through a sewage dump, and
  I felt literally dead when I was driving home. My sisters honked at me
  when they happened to drive past me, and it took be about two minutes
  to react to that.

  I just feel lonely, I guess. I don’t have any friends here at home when
  everyone is at school, and after a while… it gets old. It gets real
  old to go to work, come home, eat, watch tv, surf the net, then go to
  bed. It’s the same routine every day, and as much as I love routine,
  this one is one I’m not getting into. I feel a little unsettled, to be
  quite honest. I guess I was looking forward to the middle and end of
  March because that was when I would probably see Anthony, and I feel
  like right now… it’s crappy and I don’t have much to look forward to.
  I really need to pick up my art supplies again and start drawing…
  start doing glasswork again…. start all that stuff, because I have to
  entertain myself most of the time…

  I hope my parents reconsider the dog for my birthday. It’s the only
  thing I asked for, the only thing I will accept, and the only thing
  that will help me out of this funk. [I am craving affection like none
  other.]

  • 11:48 pm
  • 4 Comments