January 29, 2006
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I know I seem bitter as of late. Sad, even. I know that is apparent
through the words I write, even through the words I write to Anthony. I
just feel surrounded by people who are so incredibly fake it is not
even funny. I feel like I have been force-fed lies for a long time, and
somewhere along the way, I started to believe them for a miniscule
moment. Luckily someone came along and gave me a good dose of reality.
I am ready to move on. I know I am. I feel like I am. I am disconnected
in a way that could be bad or good. I’m doing that to myself, but they
pushed me first. I am so happy with who I am, and the life I lead…
and I don’t need anyone of these people to bring me down. This isn’t
home anymore. I don’t know if it ever was.I cry nightly, or every other night. I feel unmotivated to do the
things I used to love. My yearly rut came a couple months earlier than
it usually does. April is usually the month where I get really
depressed. I look around my room, and I don’t recognize myself
sometimes. This is my stuff, this is my life… but a part of me is
missing. At the same time I am searching for that part. I know it is
around here somewhere, hiding within me. I really hope it comes back
soon. My mind has been wandering so much as of late, at all the wrong
times. Yet, I can’t get things out on paper like I wish to.(I just blanked out for a good 10 minutes. I need to go to bed.)
Updated my MySpace. Be my friend.
To bed, with a heavy heart and a full mind,
Kate
